By: Addison Wylie

Do you like having spare time, but find that you have TOO much of it? What do you do with it? How do you use it?

Hi! It’s Addison with a brand new product for you called InAPPropriate Comedy, brought to you by director/co-writer Vince Offer.

When he’s not selling ShamWOWs, Slap Chops, or Schtickies, he’s making movies. With InAPPropriate Comedy, he hopes to break down racial and sexual barriers to have some good ole’ politically incorrect fun! And, what better year to release his sketch comedy movie than during a year where critics and moviegoers alike screamed at January’s vignette fest Movie 43. They do say the key component to comedy is timing after all.

How does it work? I’m glad you asked. With the purchase of admission to Offer’s new comedy, Vince takes your free time and magically dissolves it into nothing. All you have to do is sit down and endure a barrage of tasteless, ill-fitting, unfunny, and dated jokes wringing out all those obvious stereotypes comedians hang on to when their writing or talent is nowhere near par.

InAPPropriate Comedy has it all! Puns and guns! Innuendos and loudmouth crescendos! Racial slurs and more racial slurs. Let Vince take you into his realm of comedy – that is found in Lindsay Lohan’s vagina via tablet.

The tablet, manned by a horny Vince Offer (That’s right, he acts too!), features many apps…to which you won’t see. Vince clicks on the same handful of apps featuring the same jokes, proving that repetition of the same punchline is the golden key to true laughs. Are you laughing yet? Is that spare time still with you?

In this tablet are characters and sketches all revolving around sexual or racial material. Behold The Porno Review, where Rob Schneider and Michelle Rodriguez play an unconvincing screen duo who review porn movies based on a scale helmed by a hovering creep who aims his “rating system” into an empty popcorn bucket. You can also watch Adrian Brody play a detective named Flirty Harry who unknowingly speaks in double-entendres hinting at gay sex. And, drink in the bigotry during a number of pointless and appalling shorts spoofing Jackass. Blackass features a group of hollering black guys dressed in shabby clothes running from the cops, playing with their oversized penises, and scaring uptight white people.

How do they scare them, you ask? Do they jump out and scream? Do they wear gruesome masks? None of the above. They use the same hot tubs as them, imply they could be good baby sitters, and offer behind-the-building abortions!

Purchase your movie ticket now, and we’ll throw in Ari Shaffir’s Amazing Racist character. Some of you may have seen Shaffir portray this character on National Lampoon’s straight-to-DVD Lost Reality releases. He’s a ballsy and obnoxious fella who pushes peoples’ patience with stating ignorant views and deliberately placing himself in uncomfortable and awkward situations making his shallow views the punchline in the hidden camera prank.

Whether the reactions around the Amazing Racist were staged or not, the humour was created from the flabbergasted – and sometimes violent – rebounds from those roped into the gag and the improvised comebacks provided by Shaffir.

In order to rid of this grotesque spare time, InAPPropriate Comedy does the exact opposite of what worked in those previous Amazing Racist sketches. The film gets rid of the spontaneity of the character and gets rid of the seemingly improvised nature of the skits. Offer, along with screenwriters Shaffir and Ken Pringle, replace these key elements with a script that simply states shallow stereotypes and waits for its audience to laugh at the hurt feelings of the actors who are barely playing the role of ‘the bewildered passerby’.

Watch Shaffir help Asian drivers by taping their eyes wider! Watch Shaffir offer “one-way” boat trips to Africa for black people! Watch Shaffir bully Jewish shoppers into signing an apology petition stating that “Jews killed Jesus”!

How does that sound? Tell you what, let’s spice up the pot. Rush out to see InAPPropriate Comedy and we’ll double….no, triple…..nay, quadruple the length of all these sketches so the emptiness within these vacant skeletons of alleged humour can resonate with you. Vince Offer wants you to realize you’re in a theatre watching deplorable, boring material that makes watching grass grow seem like an olympic sport.

We all know that time moves too fast when we’re enjoying something or watching a good movie. InAPProproate Comedy wishes to move as slowly as possible to ensure you feel every waking minute of spare time slipping from your fingers. It’ll send you into such a stupefied state of numbness, that your awareness moves away from finding anything to laugh at in Offer’s flick and towards the fact that you are sitting through a cinematic hate crime.

This isn’t just Vince Offer’s gift to you and your abundance of free time. Every single person from the star-studded cast to the PA’s to the grips to the marketing team wanted you to have this. They wanted you to sit through this. To endure the madness, the hate, the racism, the ugliness that lies within every single frame of this forsaken mess committed and churned out; waiting for YOU to lap it up.

So, act now! If this sounds like your idea of a slice of fried gold, you better run out and buy your ticket. Offer’s offer expires in the next 48 hours – the amount of time I expect this comedy has left in a mainstream release before it’s escorted out of the theatre.

Our next product on this program: a book! Or, these mountain boots that you could hike in. How about this bike? I suppose you could rid your free time using any of these items up for grabs in our program. Or, meet a friend, go out for coffee, write a novel, roll down a hill, go swimming, count the number of tiles on your bathroom wall, find those missing socks, fix that clock on your oven, you could even learn a new language!

Say, any of these things would be better than InAPPropriate Comedy regarding getting rid of that spare time. This advertiser’s eyes are now OPEN! And, I didn’t even need to use Shaffir’s racist taping tactic!

Vince? Step away from the celluloid. Stick to selling shammies. We’re going to be OK.