T’was the night before Christmas

in the Big Apple – NYC.

A van struck a hydro box,

and made obnoxious people plea.

 

For these annoying twits,

these whiners and haters,

were all simultaneously stuck

in multiple elevators

 

A group of musicians

argue and scoff,

while unlikely businessmen

bicker about a layoff.

 

A couple of doctors

hang around with their nurses,

as their patient lies unconscious

praying away her hearses.

 

There’s a run-in with some strangers.

The movie thinks they’re cute.

But, his persistence and her submissiveness

makes them creepy to boot.

 

Then, there’s Patrick Stewart.

His presence is confounding.

The actor is much better

than this contrived mental pounding.

 

Stewart’s alone in a lift

with his emotional mire.

But, his schmaltz

is what comedies would often satire.

 

A buff fella works out,

bashful BFF’s titter.

An egghead ponders

as he acts as their sitter.

 

And, I in my sweater

in a seat, oh so, snug

do nothing but groan

and mumble, “humbug”.

 

“I’ve been waiting and waiting,”

I thought to myself.

“What’s the story behind this?”

Did it sit on a shelf?”

 

“For, this movie of boredom

is not Christmassy at all.

Except for the music

when the film has to stall.”

 

Time ticked on by

and I waited some more.

I fidgeted and flustered,

as I eyed the exit door.

 

Mitch Davis’ Christmas Eve

is a bump on a log

that gabs and shuffles

its way to a slog

 

Characters babble

about this and that,

and decide to be serious

at the drop of a hat.

 

None of it is motivated

and it fails to be sweet.

Nothing is funny

and the film misses beats.

 

Why does Christmas Eve stink

and why is it a chore?

It’s enough to make carollers

erupt in a roar.

 

I suppose the lack of focus

makes Christmas Eve uneven.

There are too many people

for us to believe in.

 

Snippets of their woes

drive by in a flash.

The cast can’t establish

in a film this slapdash.

 

The dialogue is broad

and only latches to morals.

Which makes scenes seem too basic,

taking away from the quarrels.

 

I wanted to like it.

I didn’t want to be mean.

But, it’s hard to accept

its flat use of green screen.

 

The movie finally ended

in a state that’s imperfected,

as characters are linked

and convolutedly connected.

 

My head’s in my hands

from watching this dreck,

as the actors say, “Merry Christmas to all!

May I have my paycheque?”

**********

Do You Tweet? Follow These Tweeple:

Addison Wylie: @AddisonWylie