By: Addison Wylie

My name is Addison
and I speak for movies.
And, I come bearing a review.
For you, from me.

It’s a film about nature
and how to cherish it.
It’s an important message
in a film that’s in the pits.

We follow a young boy.
A young boy named Ted.
Voiced by Zac Efron,
should’ve been someone younger instead.

Efron is energetic
and charismatic to boot.
But, he sounds too mature
for this kid in cahoots.

Ted lives in a city
that’s manufactured through and through.
Everything is plastic,
the environment is askew.

But, Ted has a plan
to find a real tree.
To please a crush named Audrey
to fill her full of glee.

Taylor Swift voices Audrey
and I’m sure she’s very sweet.
But, her appearance here is needless.
Anyone could’ve filled this seat.

Ted’s Grammy pulls him near
and tells him where to find one.
When he finds the Once-ler,
his task will officially be done.

The Once-ler is voiced
by the gung-ho Ed Helms.
He’s trying his best
with this material that underwhelms.

When he finds him at last,
The Once-ler tells Ted a tale
about how he once had all the trees
until his plan ran stale.

We follow the story
of the Once-ler’s glories
but the screenplay fumbles
to tell two stories.

The Efron and Swift romance
isn’t interesting enough.
The limited focus
will have kids in a huff.

And the Once-ler’s flashbacks
are hard to take in
when the message is this bulky
and the songs are akin.

Chris Renaud and Kyle Balda,
directors of this clamor,
are as subtle as a library
filled with jackhammers.

The environmental moral
is beaten over our heads.
Over and over
until we’re pretty much dead.

The jokes are original
and aren’t reference filled.
However, they flatline
and are highly unskilled.

The theme with the jokes
are meant to satirize.
But, it can’t nail that feat
no matter how hard it tries.

“We get it! We get it,”
the audience will yell.
“I understand what you’re saying!
My head! It swells!”

It’ll make you wish
the film had sat on a shelf.
The film is self-knowing
and too proud of itself.

The film has been made
by Illumination Animation.
Whose Despicable Me
caused me frustration.

The graphics here
are surprisingly dandy.
It matches Seuss’s visuals,
which is very handy.

The color palette is bright
and is attractive to see.
It’s even better
in Digital 3D.

But, even then
the film overdoes
that barrage of excitement.
It’s now all abuzz.

The film gets very loud
and overstretches a bit
to keep our eyes glued
but it lacks a key wit.

Dr. Seuss wasn’t about
chaos and chases.
He was about heart and wanted
to put smiles on our faces.

Speaking of faces,
and this problem is huge.
I’m not a nitpicker,
a twit, nor a scrooge.

But, the animators have done something
to send the film south.
The characters’ dialogue
does not match their mouths.

It’s out of sync! Egads!
It’s an incompetent flaw
that could’ve been fixed
if someone had saw.

How could this have gotten
passed so many eyes?
This company needs to be more careful
with a mainstream film this size.

Danny Devito’s Lorax
gets away scot-free.
His moustache obscures his speech
and makes it difficult to see.

But, alas, kids won’t be catching
this kind of stuff.
What matters is the story.
And ,how fun is this fluff?

I think kids will have
more amusement elsewhere.
Than watching this long feature
and sitting down in a chair.

But, the impressive 3D
is so crisp and so clean.
It’s something that should be
seen on a big screen.

At the end of the day,
I must tell you, my friend,
the overall film
I just can’t recommend.

Illumination Animation,
I’m talking to you.
I haven’t seen Hop
so, guys, this is strike two.